Log in

No account? Create an account
Breathe Deep, Hold It In - Daniel G. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Daniel G.

[ website | The Deep Thoughts Archive ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Breathe Deep, Hold It In [Jul. 8th, 2009|04:59 pm]
Daniel G.
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]

Friday for the first time in a long time I'm going to go out with nothing but vodka and recklessness in mind.

I'm here on day three, and my body is slowly rebelling from a straight diet of Cuervo, Wine, a single piece of pizza and all the most self-damaging introspections of your nightmares. There has got to be some point of letting go. Fresh as it is the ringing in my mind must stop enough for me to function again. It's my theory, anyway.

I used to trip alot, ALOT. I always had the subtle wonder of thinking with the fifth hit, or when I was particularly brave the tenth in a row.

"Will this change the world forever, will my perception be altered, unalterably?"

That is this, on a cellular level.

I see no benefit in raging, in twisting. By now if nothing's snapped and nothing's healed I realize this is obviously not the way to achieve either end. Instead I make an appointment to view an apartment and try desperately to semi-amicably retrieve my things. If I look inside there is something staring back at me, and I recognise him, and I fear him. I have to look out, look up, look on, look anywhere.

It occurs to me that all of my friends were actually hers. Long blonde hair and a body like that I suppose I get it. If I can resist the urge to rip and tear at them long enough I realise I'm actually excited, all old faces stern and cold I turn my back to find a waiting world. It's an inkling of hope drifting like a ducks feather on a calm lake. It's fragile, but it is undeniable.

And all this madness swirls at the outer edge, reaching in, but blown back by sheer will. One more breath and then I can go mad. Just get through to the next breath and we'll worry about it then.

I need to dance, Wyldly.

I need to walk, distantly.

I need to breathe, constantly.

All must lead me somewhere, and anywhere is better than here.

[User Picture]From: soulhaus
2009-08-16 09:57 pm (UTC)
beren trying to contact you, find out what's been going on, and now?... well, you left me a comment and i thought to myself, "gosh, wonder if he's updated at all in the last year..."

and i ralize that you have been, and i'm happy that you're writing because the world needs your lyricism in it.

...and wtf is up with your phone? c'mon man, i found that number web stalking fair and square, and ever so shortly afterwards, it stops workin.

not all of your friends were her's, eh? you've got some who've been yours all along. ♥
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: angelwylde
2009-08-18 12:50 am (UTC)
Kim, things went pair shaped between us for awhile. I just didn't know what to say or how to say it. I spent alot of time terrified I'd just fall into blabbering, and that's gotten me into nothing but trouble.

The phone thing is because Linz shut it off. Not my fault. You have the new one right?

Everything has changed again. I hope you'll like the new me. No matter what I ever did or said it was only because I felt like I could tell you anything no matter what it was. I always trusted you, and my honesty just got the better of me.

ANYWAY. Life is moving on and so am I. I miss you like the sky come down. It would be nice to see a friendly face sometime. I have new friends, but I long for old ones, true ones.

Just in case it's 714-988-3626

I'm so happy for you guys it's crazy. Give Matt my best. Pass on my congratulations. I lalalove that guy.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: soulhaus
2009-08-18 02:08 am (UTC)
i'm trying to call you dammit and i keep runnin in to difficulty!

tonight! goshdarnit!!!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: angelwylde
2009-08-18 02:29 am (UTC)
You can call me in half an hour. That phone routes to B's and she's at work. Sorry hon. Still trying to get it figured out.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)